Is it worth the gamble to keep herpes a secret?
To tell or not to tell, that is the question. The answer depends on certain factors. A big one is, how long ago did you first get herpes? If you have had it and it has been inactive for 10 years or more, then not telling your date might be a gamble worth taking.
Consider this: Herpes can be present in one or both partners, without them knowing about it. They may be carrying HSV, which causes herpes, and never had an outbreak…Therefore they could transmit herpes, without knowing it. And this does not mean that they have been unfaithful, because there is no way of knowing when they got it or how. It can be contracted by using utensils of an infected person, from kissing, or from oral sex or genital to genital contact.
There are so many grey areas. The fact is that you are contagious from the start of an episode until the healing of the last ulcer. In this case, you should not have sex or kiss someone, unless you are totally uncaring about what happens to them. You should abstain from contact, period. You don’t have to say why, if you feel that telling the person would upset them greatly.
Every date does not include sex or kissing. Why should you tell your date, if the two of you are meeting to play tennis, and that’s all?
It is complicated. If you don’t have an active outbreak, you can still transmit the disease, but only 5% of days, so risk of transmission is pretty low. If you have known a person long enough to be in a committed relationship, then tell them you have it, regardless of how long ago it was contracted or how long ago you last had an outbreak.
This is one person’s opinion, but you may chose not to tell a new partner, if you have had no outbreaks for 10 plus years and if you first had it 10 or more years ago. That is the gambling decision you must make.
Don’t listen to someone else’s opinion. Get all the facts and then decide what is right for you. If you feel uneasy or dishonest, then you’ve made the wrong decision.
